There are lots of responses to what constitutes a ‘great sex life’. Everybody is different and what works for one person might not do anything for another. Essentially, the true response to what counts as ‘great sex’ is whatever makes you feel most comfortable and sexually fulfilled.
To get the most out of sex you need to feel at ease with your partner and not feel forced into anything that you’re not completely happy with. Trust and intimacy are two of the most important elements when it comes to engaging in sex with someone.
When you feel at ease with your partner you can discuss what you enjoy and where your boundaries are with regards to certain sexual acts. Communication is a huge factor in getting the most out of your sex life. Talking through what you enjoy or want to experiment with is the best way to learn more about your partner, their body and what makes you both tick. Talking about what you want to get out of the sex you have together may seem embarrassing at first, but will eventually lead to a build-up of excitement.
If you’re not too comfortable with talking about sex then wait until touching starts and guide them to where you want to be touched. Your partner will pick up on your pleasure noises and respond accordingly. By looking into your partner’s eyes you can tell if they are enjoying something or not. It also bonds you when you are having sex and makes the whole experience much more intimate and special.
Your partner should never force a sexual act on you that you have previously said you are unsure of. Never go along with something just to please your partner. They should always respect your decision. Similarly, if you were previously unsure about a certain act, but trust your partner enough to experiment with it, then do your research. Find out what it might entail and if there is a risk of pregnancy or STIs attached to it.
When starting out in a new relationship it is a good idea to both get an STI check so you know you are both safe to engage in sex together. You can find your nearest NHS clinic here. Until then, practice safe sex and (if needed) use condoms or a dental dam – the Freedoms shop stocks a full range of condoms and lubes for safe, enjoyable sex.
Never be afraid to ask. If there is something you really want to try then be open about it, even if your partner refuses. If you don’t ask, you don’t get so be confident enough to express your desires. You never know, they may come around to the idea once they feel more at ease around you and as your sex life improves.
Always remember that not everyone is ‘doing it all of the time’ so never pressurize yourself or your relationship for what is, essentially, a personal choice. Having sex as little or as often as you like is up to you. Perhaps you may need to introduce an element of compromise if someone is left sexually wanting, but never feel obliged to do something if you’re really not in the mood. Pressure to have sex is destructive and we all need to be mindful to prevent it from happening. Consent and pleasure are the key things to focus on instead.
There is no singular type of sexual relationship. If you observe the above advice then you should quickly find what works for you and your partner and enjoy a very healthy sex life indeed. Just always be honest about how you feel, what you want and what they want. A great resource for further reading about relationships is the Brook website.